I’m really sad I wasn’t able to finish this weeks challenge. It was my idea and I thought it would be a fun one. I had an idea and some stuff written, but I just wasn’t able to find the time to get it all recorded.
Normally when I miss a challenge I just move on, but I think I might go ahead and finish this one at some point. In the meantime you might see me at one of the upcoming WE gigs, wearing a shirt that says MJV #1.
Booray,
Ben
When WE first started playing live shows about fifty years ago, WE only had a small handful of songs in our mustache rock library to select from. “Average Ho” was one of them. WE don’t play this song anymore, and I’m pretty certain that WE will never play it again. Aside from the fact that WE now have much better material in our mustache rock arsenal, there are two main reasons WE decided to put this one on the shelf.
#1 – Ben thought it sounded too much like Weird Al’s “Midnight Star”. I can see his point, but I also feel that this is not necessarily a bad thing. Weird Al is the shit.
And more importantly…
#2 – My Mom comes to almost all my shows. I’ve never been more ashamed of my musical endeavors than those times when I would sing this song with my Mom standing right there in the front row. She never said anything to me about it, but from my view on the stage I could always tell that she was shaking her head at me on the inside. Her internal head shaking became especially apparent during the bridge. How embarrassing. I’m sorry, Mom. WE won’t play this song ever again. I promise.
I am very excited to be playing a show in my current temporary home town of Bellingham, WA. Mark your calendars, it will be a hoot. Here is the poster I spent all last night slaving away on. It is good thing that my rock star skills far exceed my design skills. A good thing indeed.
WE will see you at the Shakedown! – Saturday, November 5th
design by Mike Votava
“THE HOTTEST CROWD-PUMPIN’ GROOVES OF ALL TIME!”
That’s what the songbook read. The year was 1995. I was a freshmen in high school and playing the trumpet in pep band for the first time. Little did I know what a transformative period the next few years would be for pep bands across the nation. Our song books consisted of tired Glenn Miller standards and popular high school hits from the 80’s, when our song books came out. It was Pennsylvania 6-5-0-0-oooh and The Tide is High and Hey Mickey, every weekend. Then something happened. Something no one could have expected.
A Gary Glitter song was played at a professional sporting event, and it started a revolution. According to a radio interview, with some Tommy Boy Records executives, that I vaguely remember hearing sometime in the recent past – this all started when they noticed a small trend of enterprising folks trying to get NBA crowds into the game with something newer than the old organ chants. Well, they jumped on producing this trend that went on to wild success for the later half of the 90s – and JOCK JAMS was born.
As legend has it, these producers even ran out of songs that were actually popular in stadiums anywhere, so they began adding songs to the album that no one had really ever heard – but that fit the sound. This resulted in Technotronic, “Pump Up The Jam”, and later was responsible for thrusting the Macarena upon the world.
Within weeks, trap sets were hurriedly added to gymnasiums everywhere. The new coolest kid in school was the drummer. You know who was NOT cool kid in band before this? The drummer. The drummer played the triangle. In fact – suddenly pep band in general was cool.
Well, not really cool. But band cool. New song books were cranked out and slurped up just as fast as our feverish little valve-oiling hands could get at them. It was a BIG DEAL. Rival high schools that didn’t bring their pep band on the road to divisionals? Psssh. Good luck getting your crowd into the game while we’re over here bumpin’ Tag Team, losers.
So, this week the WEekly Challenge pays tribute to those grand times, short lived as they were (don’t kid yourselves millennials – the occasional Hey Ya and F* You every 5 years isn’t the same). Two Class A contenders will be hitting the hardwood with their best effort in this unique genre. Mike “Kent-Meridian” Votava faces off against Ben “Lincoln High” Baier. They’ll leave it all on the court. No second chances, and no regrets. Just like I don’t regret choosing the trumpet over the cornet, which is like a wimpy little baby trumpet, back in 6th grade, so I could stand up like a man in those high school bleachers.
Participants who fail to complete this challenge will wear a shirt saying the other participant is “#1” at an upcoming WE show of the other participant’s choice.
My favorite part of this video is how the text graphic says “Whoot”, instead of “Whoomp”.
I was hoping to write something about my thoughts on this song and challenge after school today. Unfortunately, I was thrust into a group project that held me up a bit, and now I have to run to work. Suns a ma bitch.
Here are the lyrics. I didn’t have time to do a great mix and master, due to that pesky school gettn up in my biznis, so I’m not sure how tangible them syllables are.
Present day technology
Can help those of us who feel lonely
With Online dating sites
But it’s not humans that interest me
I had my eyes on an android
So I got one but now I;m annoyed and wonderingIf Johnny 5 can come alive with a single lightning strike
Why can’t my android
And if I open in it up and program it to love
My warranty’s void
So where do I find companionship
When my phone doesn’t come equipped
With a heart, a brain, even knees
Instead outrageous roaming feesI’m caught in a trap
A two year contract
With a machine a machine when I might as well just f*&^ing be alone
I’m such a sap
If only I’d known
Then I would’ve held out for a new iPhoneBuyer’s remorse
And a broken heart
I’m so sorry Apple
I should’ve got an iPhone
I want a new iPhone
An iPhone 5
I want an iPhone 5I’m sorry, my sweet Android
You just don’t have the features of the iPhone
In case you missed it, yesterday Apple ended our month’s long hunger for any shred of confirmation that the fabled and magical iPhone 5 may exist at some time in the future, by announcing that they would make another announcement in one week. That’s right, just an announcement a week ahead of time, that they would be making another announcement.
I immediately peed my pants, flipped over desks, karate chopped doorways open, and exasperated myself shouting gleeful spittle-filled cries directly into the faces of my coworkers. “GODDDDAMNIT IT’S FINALLY HERE!! OMGROTFLBBQ!!”
Yes, you see, I am one of those people. Am I planning on getting an iPhone 5? What do I think the iPhone 5 will have/change/do? What will I name mine??
Since I know most of you don’t give a damn about the answers to those questions, this week we’re turning our non-stop iPhone 5 coverage over to two fine musicians who could also care less: Mike Votava, and new guest contributor (and former WE roommate), Ryan Dicker.
Our Disinterested Reporters
You see, they are not apple fan boys. They might not even be fan boys of anything (though you know MJV loves NKOTB). Most importantly, they don’t have iPhones. That’s not to say they don’t understand this magical smartphone world civilized society lives in. In fact, they both have smartphones that run the popular Android operating system.
“Booo!” I imagine you saying. But wait. These are two highly opinionated and very accomplished musicians, who must have some great thoughts on the subject to touch on in song. For instance, just the other day Mike was telling me, “I probably don’t use my phone to its full capacity – I just text and check on my fantasy football league. I don’t know, I could probably do a lot more with it.”
See! Predictions galore are in store for YOU! So tune back in here on Monday and we’ll see what the future has in store for us! Songs will be posted just in time to coincide with Apple’s second exciting announcement on Tuesday morning! Coverage starts at 10 AM Pacific, in my head! Explosions!!
Participants who fail to complete this challenge must try to sell my iPhone 4 on Craigslist or eBay for top dollar after I get my iPhone 5.
In this corner, weighing in at over five hundred pounds, we have Andre the Giant. In that corner over there, weighing in at a combined weight of one million pounds, we have ten thousand midgets. Who’s gonna win? This is a no brainer. I don’t care how many midgets there are, they don’t stand a chance. Andre would crush them. All of them.
First, I would like to thank WE for inviting me to participate in the WEekly Challenge. I am virtually incapable of turning down a challenge, but more importantly, I was excited to be back in the creative realm of my favorite mustache rock band.
And, Rick is a jerk.
There are many great hypothetical battles I considered exploring via song, but the one that is most pressing in my life at the moment is a very real debate between the superiority of cupcakes or pie. I don’t think I have to explain how fiercely loyal people can be toward their dessert of choice. Cupcakes are portable, but pie is delicious. Pie is for old people, but cupcakes are for parties. You get the idea. For the last week I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of this quandary, and to be honest, I never got to the bottom. In the end, I decided to just the let the guitars do the talkin’.
Oh, and come to my show on Saturday.
This song isn’t really an answer to a question. It’s more of a reflection of the constant struggle for dominance between cats and dogs. I meditated for 15 hours straight while chanting “meow” and then recorded this song immediately after. It changed my life. I think there is a very good chance this song may change yours.
Hooray,
Ben
Yoda and Gandolf? Hogan and Stone Cold? Insanity Wolf and the Honey Badger?! Dr. Who and Dr. Samuel Beckett and Doc Brown?!!
The possibilities are endless, but there is only one true answer. (Larry Bird.) Yes, this week we’ll study the implications of the great cultural debate – Who Would Win in a fight Between…? Will we hear of classic rubber matches? One champion’s secret finish move? Thoughts on the prevalence of bullying in the US schools? Only one week’s time will tell – but let’s get ready to rumble.
Now, WE normally don’t get so fisticuffs with our WEekly challenges, but this week there’s a third contender in the Octagon that warrants a throw down like no other. Jamie Henkensiefken, a good friend of ours, but an intimidating force for nonetheless, will be joining Ben and Mike in this challenge. If you’ve never met Jamie, a quick summary might well be: she plays guitar better than you, her wife is hotter than your spouse, and her car is cooler than anything you will ever own. She wouldn’t put it that way (she’s even modest) – but buddy, that’s the way it is. You might as well understand who you’re dealing with here.
Known also by the moniker Jamie Hellgate, or simply Jamie H, she has played a lasting part in the Seattle rock scene since making her way here from Montana so many years back. She currently plays drums for Eighteen Individual Eyes (with other very talented gals), and formerly fronted H is for Hellgate, which included WE’s own Benjamin J. Baier.
On October 1st, Jamie is going to treat all comers to her own unique solo project she’s calling Fairweatherfrnd, during a special matinee show at the Comet on Saturday the 1st of October. The show starts at 4pm, with a couple of other great acts on the bill as well. WE’ll be there, and WE think you should be there too. WE bet Jamie dares you to show up.
But first she’ll have to get past this kicking, screaming, and biting WEekly challenge. All parties will post their songs this coming Monday. Those that fail to complete this challenge will have to buy a beer for all the competitors, and the referee (that’s me), to bury the hatchet and keep us all getting along.
"All right nerds. Come at me."
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